Some days you ever wonder if you have said to much.
I am discovering through a series of conversations that I have way too many layers of pseudo me.
There is the mom me. There was the wife me, which I find to be one of the most confusing. The work me. The project person me. The church me. The learning to be me me. That sounded kinda odd didn't it.
I am fairly certain that for the most part it has to do with trying to appease other people's expectations for so long. Trying to hide the effort it takes to do that. Trying to maintain that for long periods of time, is exhausting. That along with putting on a face as a child that my life was normal. Not having recall of large periods of my life, which I understand is and was a defense mechanism, but none the less, leaves the feeling of being robbed of who I am.
Currently trying to find which direction I should take with my future. School, new job, etc. I have not got a problem with my age just a problem with feeling like I don't have a clue who I am.
I know my talents and gifts, that's easy. But who is the core person? and what does that mean.
I suffer from a desire for picture perfect, I think. Kids around the table laughing, a man that sees me and still wants that.
I also realize that what I have today are blessings and a byproduct of choices. My children, grandchildren, and friends help to make my life whole. My faith presents me with Grace oh so very often, along with strength to put one foot in front of another every day.
To say that you have no baggage or for someone to say they don't want baggage or drama, truly must not have many people in their lives. All people have baggage of some sort and different levels of drama. I guess it depends if they mean real life drama or just created drama, much like reality tv, I am thinking.
Blessings
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