Addictions, Forgiveness and Patience

"Lord,
why is it so difficult
to make peace with each other?
No wonder there are wars,
It is pride that holds my mouth tight shut,
a childish feeling
that I am not the one
who should apologize?
It wasn't my fault.
In these flare-ups
What does it matter whose fault it is?
The only thing that matters
is love and harmony.
Lord, turning my back in
anger is weakness,
It reduces me as a human being.
Give me the courage,
The stature
To say, 'I'm sorry.'"

Let me start out by saying one of the biggest problems I have lately is what I call the want factor. I want my children to get up when I first call them. I want to go to Italy. I want my floor done! I want to be thinner. I want to have more time for fun.

that being said the trip to Italy requires saving money which seems to slip through my fingers like water. Looking ahead investing in my son's future seems to make the prospects of saving less and less. I truly don't completely begrudge investing in my son's college tuition but it would be easier if I felt like he got it.

Sweepstakes come in here, you never know I just might get to Italy through one of these? Far fetched I know but then again I figure if I get something out of it other than putting in my time so be it. Sweepstakes are what I would call a current addiction, not nearly as bad as being on the internet, facebook, emails, and blogging but nonetheless something that absorbs some of my time each morning.

I think part of my issue is spring fever. I want to not be the one who has all the information, the one who can just go out and stay out and not feel guilty. My kids honestly don't like when I just refuse to keep track of what they need to do. Understand this is more than hard for me, not keeping a running schedule in my brain, I haven't figured out how to shut this information out.

I currently do not want to make peace with my family, I want them to step up to the plate, be responsible. Get up on their own, do their schoolwork on time, remember to do the chores they have had since they were able to walk & talk, think ahead (might be a big request), put their dishes away, and most important realize people do not revolve around them. I want to be able to not answer any questions pertaining to where am I going, what do I have to do toaday, can i have some money, can I go here (No, I don't have that work done. OH I'll do it tomorrow.) You get the picture. Yes, I do know this will pass but at the moment I am done.

Obviousely I lack patience right now, Forgiveness is there it will always be there for my family, and the addiction to wanting to go to Italy will stay. So time to get ready for the day.
Blessings
Susan


Frank Topping